Saturday, May 15, 2010

Day 7 Food Allergy Awareness Blogs...My last entry

It’s day 7, the last day of my blog.
I went running this morning and put my iPod on shuffle. One of my favorite songs that I have worn out in so many ways was the first playing. I preformed my very first big trapeze routine to it a few months ago. After so much practicing this song was banned from my playlist. But for some reason I didn’t want to skip it today. I started jogging and listen to the first line…
“Something filled up my heart with nothing. Someone told me not to cry”
Now I hate to be all cliché, write some lyrics and be this introspective….but I am going to be for a second. It all goes back to what I was talking about yesterday. How hard I was on myself for being upset when this all started two years ago. These lyrics struck me because I remember very specific moments during my hands, my burns, my career, my allergy that I told myself to not cry. To lock it up and get over it. The first time I heard this song, I thought how sad? Someone telling someone not to express how they feel. And here I was, being a great listener and shoulder for others but not to myself.
I know I am one of the luckiest human beings on the planet. I have a food allergy and that is it. Yes there isn’t a cure, but I have SO many days that I am fine. I really want to reiterate to everyone who has been reading this week….I know this could be worse (my therapist is going to kill me for saying that) But it is true. There are horrible things that happen every day. Horrible events and tragedies that people have no control over. Things that I feel should never happen. I don’t believe ‘Everything happens for a reason’ I am sorry; there is no reason for children to die young. There is no reason for someone to murder someone who has done nothing wrong. There is no reason for terrorist attacks, plane crashes, rape, the list goes on. I think that things just happen. Good things, bad things, fun things, annoying things….they all happen, most of the time for no reason except that we are human and this is life.
I know there are things that have happened to me since my hands that I may not have experienced if the situation never developed. Things I would have never made time for. People I would have never met. I would have continued to work and date and chill and not be at this point I am at right now.
I wanted to get certified to teach Pilates for ten years. Had I not had to leave the salon, I would have never done that. Imagine that, wanting to do something for that long and simply not wanting to waste vacation days on it. Well, I didn’t waste any days and I did it.
One of the most amazing things that came into my life is The Circus Arts Institute. Besides uncovering my talent for random things like web and trapeze, it was the first place I found that made me feel normal. Made me feel ok and made me feel happy. The people there make me feel like a rockstar and when I am up in the air I feel absolutely beautiful. If this never happened, I would never have had time to join.
I started a business. It was just something to do on the side to give me some sort of financial back up as I left the salon. Just walking some dogs, helping some neighbors, no big deal. Now, I own an LLC and I am the CEO. I take business and accounting classes. I am becoming certified in obedience training, grooming, kennel work and animal CPR. I am involved in the animal community and my small business is thriving, about to have employees and about to expand to another state. My five year business plan is surrounded with adorable, furry, loving animals. I would have never pursued my love for animals had I not been in this place.
My sister gave me the most precious gift a sister could give. My nephew Keaton. He is an angel and the most adorable thing on the planet. After he was born I was able to spend two weeks out with her family helping and bonding. I know for sure, two weeks would have been way to long away from the salon. But since I’m now a business owner, I can have all the Keaton time I want.
I don’t think I would be with ‘him’ either. He agrees. We have both discussed this. I don’t know, maybe we would have met and it all would be the same, but deep down inside I don’t believe that is true. I could have been in a different place, maybe then or earlier and ending up dating someone else and missing out on him. Whatever the case may be I will never know, but I am glad for sure my love life turned out the way it has.
So I have recovered so greatly mentally and physically from all of this. I have also let go of that betrayal I was holding against myself and my body. I have grown to be a huge fan of ME! My body has fascinated me with all of its strength and powers. I took advantage of it for so long. Even though I was working out, eating right, water, not smoking all of that good for you stuff. I mentally wasn’t treating it like the temple it is. I love how it healed itself and I love how it has protected me.
There aren’t too many platforms I stand on. Yes, we all know that I love animals, sometimes more than people. I am getting into the business of pets to help the community, help save their lives and make a difference for them. Yes, I love protecting the environment and I am pretty intense about recycling. I think you are a lazy jerk if you don’t do it. Yes, I will battle head to head with anyone who questions Madonna’s British accent. I have lived around southern accents for ten years and picked it up….why can’t she?! And now food allergies. I hope this blog educated some and also brought comfort to others. I will continue to raise awareness and represent this community with pride as well as I can.
After today, I will open a new chapter of my life. My allergy will no longer own me, I will own it. If I get sick, I will not apologize and this is no longer something I am going through, it is something I went though. Tomorrow morning I am going to get up and go to my new job….I will hang out with one of my new furry clients. I’m going to come home, get absolutely adorable. Pack up my best friends Dita and Dexter and drive to visit my boyfriend. And all day in my head I will be celebrating what I did and my new life that I am finally ready to start. I am no longer the girl with the hands, or the girl who ended her career at 30 or the girl with the crazy allergies. I’m just the girl who went through something and came out a stronger person and after this week, I am finally opening up, giving in and letting go. Thanks to everyone who shared this week long therapy session with me. I have thoroughly enjoyed every single day of it. And from this day forward I will no longer be ashamed of my allergy!

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