When my hands healed I thought I was in the clear. I knew I now had an allergy to live with, but I also thought the worst was behind me. Citrus, random, yet doable. I had a no list and a maybe list I was sent home with. Yes, limes, lemons, grapefruits, pineapple all of the basic citrus that is out there was now off limits. The morning of my first day back to the salon I was a nervous wreak. I made Ruslan come over the night before so I could make sure I still remembered how to cut hair. I packed a citrus free lunch, had my new black, non latex gloves and sat in the parking lot of Salon Lotus feeling overwhelmed with excitement and anticipation. It had been so long since I did what I loved to do, which was make people feel pretty, I couldn't wait to get inside to start. But at the same time, I felt different. I was not mentally the same person. All I could do was hold my breath and hope it all washed away as the day went by.
I had to wear gloves full time for the first two weeks. Just with the chemicals and my new fresh skin, we had to be safe. I have never in my life repeated a story so many times. Poor Rana had to stand in the chair beside me all day and listen to the same thing day in and day out. Of course it was the shortened funny story I created, because the truth was just too much to talk about. I had been back for about a month when my first reaction at work happened. It was a busy Saturday and suddenly I had hives up and down both arms and on my neck. I was so itchy. I didn't know what happened. I popped some benedryl and hoped for the end of the day to get here fast. That was the first of many reactions at the salon. I soon started reading ingredient list for not only food but on the back of the hair products at work. I saw words like 'limonene' and 'citronellol' on the back of shampoo bottles. I remember thinking....no way. This can't be causing these reactions.
My first really bad reaction at work was in December 2008. It was the last day the salon was open for the holidays. If you have ever worked in the hair industry, you know how busy this day is! I became itchy, queasy and breathless and was taken to the hospital. This all happening while I was trying to do hair. I had to leave due to reactions before. Everything stopped, the Jan drama started and most of the time Ruslan came to get me, This time was different. I was having a hard time breathing and I was scared. Once at the hospital I was shot with an epi-pen and hooked up to a breathing machine. The doctors questioned the hair products and told me get allergy tested for those. At that point, I knew deep inside what the allergist was going to say. I also knew that I was causing bad business and something had to change. Knowing all of this, I spent the next few days over Christmas vacation secluded and sad. I knew my new allergy and my old job were not getting along.
Step one was taking medicine everyday before I went to work. I had been doing that for quite some time. The meds worked...sometimes, but they mainly left me tired and drained. I had lost interest in what was going on at work. My goals had changed. I went from being the number 1 team player, the perky hairstylist and the one who made friends with every client that walked through that door, to the one who just prayed to get through one head of hair at a time and hoped I wouldn't get sick in the middle off doing it. The medicine wasn't working. Step two...go part time. It was a decision my bosses, doctors and I thought would be a huge help. Give my body a break a few days a week. We all hoped that would alleviate some of my issues. Step three...give up hair products and about 90% of the shampoos and conditioners. This was hard. Styling hair without using products is well... lame. I couldn't do up-dos, make-up or perms at all anymore. I basically could sort of shampoo, cut, color and finish without using anything. My poor clients, I don't know how they stuck with me. I tried hard. SO HARD. I wanted this all to go away and I wanted to be normal so badly. I went to work everyday and pretended that everything was fine. I smiled and laughed and joked around, but I knew without saying anything to anyone that I was going to have to stop.
The reactions happened a lot. I was in and out of the hospital. I was sick all of the time. I felt bad all of the time. I cried all of the time. I kept it all inside. I didn't want anyone to know the truth. My doctor and my allergist had suggested I stopped doing hair in March. I didn't listen. My best friend/rooommate was the only one who saw this. She watched me unwind and crumble. She knew what the doctors said. She knew I had to make this decision. She was the most amazing human being on the planet. She would see me come home, a hot mess, crying or pissed and no matter what she knew what to say and do. She deserves a metal for putting up with me during this.
Step four came after I had given everything up but was still getting sick at work. Again, back to the hospital and back for testings. I had to stop using hair color. That was the hardest. I was officially working in a glass box. I went to worked and watched everyone around me do all the things I had worked so hard to accomplish myself. It was all around me and I just had to stand there and watch. At this point the salon was making me sick not just physically, but mentally. It was no longer fun. It no longer felt good. I again felt extremely betrayed by it all. I knew I had to quit when I had my hair color reaction, was rushed to the hospital and the doctor stood over me and said he would no longer be my doctor if I continued to do hair. He knew that at some point we wouldn't make it in time and I would be gone. I went out west to visit my family and we all decided it was time. The week I came back, I sat my bosses down and put in my notice. I wanted six more weeks to say my goodbyes and then I was retiring from the most amazing career anyone could ever have.
Those six weeks went by entirely too fast. Everyday was another goodbye and everyday got closer to the end. Everyone I worked with at Salon Lotus was a champ during this time....except for me. I was bitter, I was upset and I just wanted to scream. Why? How can something I love so much be killing me? What am I suppose to do now? Why was this happening?
September 5th, 2009 was my last day at Salon Lotus. It was the hardest day of my life to date. As I stood in the shampoo area with all of my girls crying at the end of the day, I knew I would never be the same. That place was my life, my co-workers and clients were my friends and making people feel good was who I was. A part of my heart was taken away that day.....all thanks to my food allergy.
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