I am assuming that when you are born with a food allergy, life is definitely not easy. And I would never say my situation is worse than anyone else’s. I imagine a world where I don’t even know what an orange taste like. Or a place where a margarita doesn’t send chills down my spine. A life that has been acclimated to this since day one.
I have been told by a few people that your taste buds eventually forget. That your body will get used to this adjustment and things become easier. I know that they already have. Physically a bit , but mentally for sure. People ask me all the time if there are shots for food allergies. If I can slowly add it to my diet and eventually my body will accept it. Both of these are false, at least for me at this point in my life. I have gone into anaphylactic shock the last time I ingested true citrus. So slowly adding it back just isn’t safe. I am ok with that. I can remember, I can forget and I can move on. There were only three things I found I out I couldn’t have anymore that sent me over the edge.There are a ton of things I miss, SO much that I crave and of course a career that I will always long for (that goes without saying.) But like I said, three specific incidents that happened and three things that I miss every single minute of my life.
As I go into these, again please let me reiterate that these things are small ,random things. Items that ‘broke the camels back’ so to speak. There are so many things I miss so much. The freedom of going out to dinner, the feeling of making someone feel beautiful inside and out or the idea that I can be alone, anywhere and not need anyone. I will always deeply miss all of those. The items I will tell you about today are random, unimportant and silly in the grand scheme, but at the time, while my life was changing before my eyes, I thought I was being thrown off a cliff.
There was that morning when I woke up after a night of a bit too much fun. You know the feeling, you have a headache, your tired from that bad night of passed out sleep, your kind of queasy but at the same time you want to gorge yourself at Waffle House? It was one of those. I woke up and all I could think about was red PowerAde, the best drink ever made. I got out of bed, threw on my glasses and headed to the convenience store. Old faithful red PowerAde always made me feel better. In fact when I first developed my allergy, this was one of the first bottles I read. I was ecstatic , it was Jan friendly. I ran into the store, went to the aisle and there it was. The sweet nectar and hangover cure. But something was different, the label had changed. My heart started beating a bit faster. ‘Maybe it’s my blurred vision’ I thought….I prayed. I was wrong. They reformulated. There it was….. citric acid and sodium citrate. Words that were all too familiar from working at the salon. I stood there and had a choice. Take a chance and know what the outcome would 99% be. Feel even worse, not just hung over but in a citrus coma as well. Or accept it, walk away and take in that my days of drinking this chemical gift from god were over. I got in my car and cried for an hour.
Even though I worked in the beauty industry for ten years, I am not that over the top make up person at all. I have my basics, we all do, and I do it up on occasion. But thanks to the world of Aveda, there was my good ole faithful Spice Lip tint that was always by my side. Spice and I have been through it all. Jobs, trips, vacations, relationships, everything. Even on my ‘fancy’ occasions Spice was there just paired with some liner. Spice was a dream. The most amazing shade, the slightest hint of sparkle and the mildest taste of cherry and earth all wrapped into one. I went through this tube of lipstick like candy. I LOVED Spice. One day, out of nowhere I started noticing these odd bumps on my lips. As days past, the bumps got worse and bigger. It was mortifying, gross and embarrassing. Great not only am I suddenly allergic to life….now I have adult acne. I couldn’t figure it out. One day I was stocking the shelves at work and there she was….Spice. My boss came over looking sad and said she had to tell me something. Aveda had changed some things, minus a plant here, added a flower there. They also decided to add Mango juice to create the new and improved Spice lip tint. It all made sense. I was constantly rubbing this stuff all over my crazy, red, bumpy lips only making the problem worse. Mangos were a definite no and now Spice was my enemy. I ran into the bathroom at work, threw a full fledge temper tantrum and decided right then and there to never use any Aveda again.
The last thing was by far the worst. If any of you know me, you know my relationship with salsa. In fact I may be closer to salsa then I am to most people. In my world salsa should be included in every meal, whatever time, and in any way . It is the bee’s knees, the cat’s meow and a true love of my life. Salsa to me is like a cigarette is to some, the way a nice glass of wine after work is to most, and how that first romantic and innocent kiss after an amazing date is to everyone…..PERFECT! I have my favorites, Hernadez, my uncles, and of course La Fonda Latinas. La Fonda Latina by far has the best salsa I have ever tasted. When I discovered my bodies hatred for lime juice my biggest fear was losing their salsa. I called, we talked, I was in the clear. One day, I had starting noticing that tomatoes, which were on my maybe list, were making me feel funny. I started to cut back on pizza, spaghetti, tomato sandwiches, but I saved myself for my salsa. Some friends were in town and of course I took them to La Fonda. As I tore up the bowl sitting in front of me I started to get itchy. The hives came quickly and within minutes I was in full blown allergic reaction mode. I got home, I sat on my bathroom floor throwing up and crying. I knew. Two days later I went back to my allergist. I was officially done with tomatoes and was told I can no longer have salsa. I left the doctor, got in my car, had a meltdown and immediately called my therapist.
These three things were small. Not difficult things that I had to leave behind. I am lucky that this allergy didn’t cost me more. But these things just took the simplicity out of my already difficult life. Yes, I had to leave my job. Yes, I have to wear a bracelet 24 hours a day identifying my allergy because god forbid I am alone when it happens. Yes, I had third degree burns on both hands and for weeks feared I wouldn’t have feeling in them again. But these small things were simple, they were mine and I felt like I had some control over them.
When you have a food allergy you must give up all control while having the most crazy amount of control at the same time. You can control what you put in your mouth, on your body and around self. But you can’t control the changes others decide to make or what your body no longer wants. You have to give in to your allergy, trust that there is a reason it has happened, give up things you love and hope that someday you will find replacements.
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